What Is The Rejecting Parenting Style And Are You A Rejecting Parent? - Joanna Bel (2024)

Interested to understand more about the Rejecting Parenting Style and Rejecting Parents? Stick till the end of this post to uncover the most important things concerning rejecting parenting.

The rejecting parenting style is a style of parenting recognisable by disconnected (disengaged and distant) relationships and a highly rigid approach to control, structure, and discipline (inflexibility).

Even though the rejecting parenting style usually remains undiscussed in public discourse, what was revealed is that it comes in combination with neglecting (uninvolved) parenting style.

In this post, we’ll talk about:

• What the rejecting parenting style is and it looks like
• Who rejecting parents are
• What the effects of rejecting parenting style on child development and child behavior are
• The difference between permissive parenting and rejecting (strict) parenting,

And more!

Let’s get right to it!

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WHAT IS THE REJECTING PARENTING STYLE?

The rejecting parenting styleis known in modern social science theories and practice, as well as in public discourse, as a parenting style in which parents nurture low emotional warmth and disconnected (disengaged) relationship with a child and have a highly rigid approach to control and guidance, make children obey to many rules (nurture high inflexibility) which results in unresponsiveness to the child’s needs.

David Olson’s Circumplex Model of Marital and Family System describes the rejecting parenting style as a parenting style withhigh rigidity(inflexibility) andlow engagement (disconnected).

The Olson’s model is used for describing and inspecting thepatterns of family functioning, that isthe most widely utilised.

The model uncovered how as the rejecting style becomes more extreme and far-off, the family moves to the style this model determines as the“rigidly disengaged”style.

If you want to understand more about the Olson’s model and how it inspects parenting styles, read it in my post that covers all 5 parenting styles. Here isthe linkto it.

But if you’re confused about what parenting styles are in the first place, let’s quickly take care of this first.

WHAT IS A PARENTING STYLE?

Parenting stylerefers to the consistent and stable patterns of demands, structure, and responsiveness that parents cultivate in all of their interpersonal interactions with their children. The parents’ practices are dependent on these patterns. That’s why it’s called style – it is perpetual and it’s resistant to events, situations, a child’s age, and developmental phase. This doesn’t mean that it’s unchangeable, it only means that it is constant.

If you need to know more about the 5 parenting styles, I got you – read my post that explores them in great detail:

• What The 5 Parenting Styles Are: All You Wanted To Know.

REJECTING PARENTING RESEARCH

Parenting styles were discovered by the deceased Diana Baumrind, a developmental psychologist with a Ph.D. in psychology at the Institute of Human Development, University of California, Berkeley, who is now recognized internationally as a pioneer of research on parenting styles and well known for her ”Baumrind’s parenting typology”.

Her investigation discovered 3 separated parenting styles in her groundbreaking research onprototypes of parenting styles, a longitudinal study of parents, which began in the early 1970s.

Diana Baumrind did it on the basis of home observations, laboratory observations, and interviewing the parents of preschoolers whose families she followedto their late adolescence, both mothers and fathers. (She was one of the first to do so.)

Baumrind identified and described three styles of parentingassociated with3 patterns of child behavior. The styles were:

1. Authoritarian, associated with discontented, withdrawn, and distrustful child behavior.
2. Authoritative(democratic), associated with assertive, self-reliant, self-controlled, buoyant (cheerful, optimistic), and affiliative child behavior, and
3. Permissive(laissez-faire) parenting style, associated with child behavior characterized by little self-control or self-reliance, and retreat from innovations.

Her 3rd study of preschoolers uncovered the existance of the rejecting-neglecting style.

Authors Maccoby and Martin confirmed the 3 styles and described the 4th parenting style besides those 3 called theuninvolved parenting style, a style pretty similar to the rejecting-neglecting style that Baumrind’s 3rd study found.

So, since Baumrind had guided her groundbreaking investigation there was a great deal of research with a focus on the relationship between the parenting styles she had discovered.

David Olson’s Circumplex Modelof Marital and Family Systems (the Circumplex comes from the expression “circular order of complexity”) model introduced rejecting parenting style as one of 5 parenting styles.

Olson’s models is one ofthe most widely used modelsfor inspecting and describing thepatterns of family functioning.

This model inspects how balanced (healthy is the family functioning) is the family system evaluated through 3 dimensions:

1. cohesion,
2. flexibility, and
3. communication.

The rejecting parenting pertains to unbalanced systems of the model.

A balanced system is the system in which there is balanced cohesion, communication, and flexibility, while in an unbalanced system this is not the case and these dimensions have the extreme value.

In Olson’s model, the rejecting parenting style is low on cohesiveness (togetherness) and low on flexibility.

The rejecting parenting remains undiscussed in public discourse but it reality it very often comes in combination with neglecting (uninvolved) parenting style.

More details about the model and the 5 parenting styles the model presented, read in my post about 5 parenting styles. Go here:What Are The 5 Parenting Styles: All You Wanted To Know.

To learn more about the uninvolved parenting style read my post that explores it. Go to this page.

Or read these 3 posts:

• What Is The Permissive (Laissez-faire) Parenting Style And Its Characteristics And Effects?

• Authoritative Parenting: Characteristics And Effects That Make It The Best Parenting Style

• Authoritarian VS Authoritative Parenting

WHO IS THE REJECTING PARENT? (WHO ARE PARENTS THAT REJECT THEIR CHILD?)

As I mentioned, the Circumplex Model describes rejecting style as a style withhigh levels of rigidityanddisengagement.

So a rejecting parent nurtures high inflexibility when it comes to rules, discipline, and control. The rejecting parent is imposing very strict rules, harsh discipline, and restrict the child’s freedom.

As I said, the rejecting parenting is low on cohesion and engagement which means they’re being disconnected emotionally from a child.

So this means the family has very little emotional warmth and disengaged relationships.

Rejecting parents don’t pay much (enough) attention to the child’s needs which suggests that they’re not responsive.

And when it comes to their expectations regarding how the child should behave or what they should accomplish, they set them only occasionally as they’re not really focused or showing real interest for the child.

As the rejecting style becomes more extreme the family moves to the“rigidly disengaged” style.

HOW DOES REJECTING PARENTING AFFECT A CHILD?

In case of rejecting parenting children are facing difficulty feeling cared for, while a parent keeps demanding they follow and behave according to many rules.

Considering they’re forced to obey to many rules and experience harsh discipline while they’re not receiving support and care, that could potentially even things out, this is an unflattering position for a child.

The rejecting parenting creates an atmosphere that’s very difficult for a child to handle, maybe the most harming of all the other parenting styles.

Children of rejective parents are insecure about a parent’s affection which makes them question whether they’re good enough.

And as a logical outcome of their position and treatment, the children usually face immaturity and psychological problems.

If you care to know more about how parents should treat their children read my post that covers this. Use this the link.

PERMISSIVE PARENTING VS REJECTING (STRICT) PARENTING STYLE

Let’s briefly explorehow permissive parenting is different from rejecting (strict) parenting style.In Baumrind’s typology, what was considered strict parenting isAuthoritarian parentingbecause these parents set high demands on their children’s behavior in a cold, rigid, even harsh manner while lacking emotional warmth, but they do it consistently.

And just to compare this to theauthoritarian style inOlson’s model, – in Olson’s model, the authoritarian parenting style is characterized by high rigidity (inflexibility when it comes to rules, control, and discipline) and high enmeshment (demanding too much cohesion/closeness of relationships).

Permissive style is the opposite to Baumrind’s authoritarian style, with parents who areemotionally warm and responsive to their children, but disregard or overlook providing enoughguidance, structure, or appropriate demands for maturity.

You can learn more about theauthoritarian parenting stylein my post that explores its characteristics and effects on the family and children. Followthis link.

Or you can explore permissive style in more detail ih my other post. Follow this link.

When it comes to theStrict style (or Rejecting parenting style)in Olson’s model, it is described as a style too low on closeness of relationships while not being flexible enough (inflexible) concerning structure, demands, and discipline. These parents set expectations occasionally and when they do they’re being very strict and demanding.

So here, the parents are imposing pretty strictrules, provide harsh discipline, and are restricting freedom while being very disconnected emotionally from the child at all times.

You might also be interested in reading the comparison between authoritarian and authoritative parenting style:

• Authoritarian VS. Authoritative Parenting Style.

HOW PARENTAL REJECTION LEADS TO DELINQUENCY

Let’s first replace the word delinquency with some other more suitable word because that one usually leads to labeling individuals as delinquents.

And considering calling them delinquents is discriminative speech resulting in their entire personality being reduced to just one part of their life (generalization), which is especially problematic if this is now a part of a person’s past, and leads to further discriminative practices.

We should use terms children in conflict with the law or youth in conflict with the law.

Now concerning whether rejecting parenting leads a child to get in conflict with the law: as the rejecting parenting style is characterized with low responsiveness to the child’s needs and blocking of autonomy, combined with strict control and inflexible structure, this has the potential to drive the child into antisocial behavior and maladaptation.

The research and practice show that the parent’s lack of flexibility and lack of responsiveness are very often associated with excessive defiance, oppositional defiant disorder, and antisocial behavior.

You may want to check out also:

• What Is Guidance Of Parents, And How Is It Related To Healthy Child Development?

• What Responsive Parenting Is + 4 Signs Of Emotional Warmth

• 9 Biggest Mistakes Parents Make

• How Parents Should Treat Their Children If They Want Their Children To Be Their Best Selves

REJECTING PARENTING AND ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE

Research has shown that certain parenting styles are associated with lower academic performance, while others are linked to better achievement. Specifically, authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful parenting styles have been connected to lower academic performance, while authoritative parenting style has been consistently associated to good academic achievement.

Considering that rejecting parenting has the potential to be the most harmful of all compared to other styles and there’s no support for children, this style would be less likely to lead to good academic accomplishments than others. Except in some individual cases, potentially (more like an exception), but we’re talking about the average results it may bring.

However, it is important to consider cultural differences in parenting styles, as what works in one culture may not work in another.

A child’s personal perception and experience of their parents’ treatment is crucial to their success, so as different cultures may value different approaches to parenting the authoritative parenting doesn’t have to be the only parenting style suitable for the child’s wellbeing, growth, and progress.

For instance, in Diana Baumrind’s study African-American girls from low-income families in the US have been found to be responsive to authoritarian parenting, demonstrating resilience, assertiveness, and independence.

While authoritative parenting style is generally associated with better academic achievement, the specific style used may vary depending on cultural values.

The fact that the authoritative parenting style has been demonstrated as the most beneficial for the kids in the Western world (where the most research has been conducted) doesn’t make it universally suitable approach even though it’s important to note that Western values are widely spread.

As cultures interact we exchange our values so then we may adopt different perceptions, expectations, and demands.

Nonetheless, it’s essential to be open-minded about different customs, circ*mstances, and values and learn from one another, even when we don’t yet understand them or we disagree with them.

Ultimately, the most important in parenting is nurturing and respecting children while providing guidance to support them in becoming responsible, resilient, and autonomous adults.

This is the reason why the authoritative parenting works well for children.

Read more about the 10 benefits of authoritative parenting here.

And if you’re curious to know why you should inspire child independence, check out my post:

• 10 Reasons Why It Is Important For A Child To Be Independent

If you found the information on the blog helpful & inspirational and you feel like giving back, you can do it by clicking the donate button after entering amount you’re comfortable with. I’ll use it to create and deliver more useful content and resources like this. Thanks for your precious contribution!

CAN PARENTING STYLE CHANGE?

It is possible to change the parenting style, as well as influence parenting practices, skills, and competence. By recognizing our current parenting style and making a conscious decision to self-improve, we can gradually adopt more effective and healthy parenting practices, unlearn old habits, and improve our parenting skills and strengthen parenting capacity.

As we change our parenting practices, we can shift the patterns and eventually transform our parenting style.

Positive changes in parenting style can have a significant impact on family dynamics, improving interpersonal connections and child-parent relationships.

WHAT IF YOUR PARENTING STYLE “DOESN’T WORK”?

If you find that your parenting isn’t as you’d want it to be, then I want to recommend that you try something like this the program Conscious Parenting Mastery hosted on Mindvalley.

This is a great 35-day program you can consume at your pace or join a class, created by Dr. Shefali, an experienced psychologist who works with families and creates courses and programs to help parents resolve problems in their relationship with their children.

She will equip you with everything you need to become a parent who is able to raise kids who are:

• Well-adjusted
• Authentic
• Healthy
• Confident
• Ambitious
• Cherful.

You can become a proud parent you truly desire to be andexperience true connection with your kidsand a peace of mind because you’re giving them your best and are certain that you’re headed towards the brighter future for both of you.

Herproven frameworkwill empower you to a step into a fully refreshed parenting role with more confidence and certainty that what you’re doing is what both you and your kids need.

Plus, you should know that you don’t need to worry if you partner, the other parent doesn’t follow you right now, because you will see change anyway and you’ll positively influence them as well.

Mindvalleyis an amazing platform where this phenomenal program is hosted, and it’s created with a clear intention of enabling you to elevate your life by embracing personal growth. Inside the membership, anyone can find programs that will fit their individual needs depending on the area of life they find troubling, too challenging, or simply want to improve to serve them best.

And if you decide tojoin the membership, you will get a chance to get the fullConscious Parenting Mastery programalongside with 100+ other programs (and counting because each month a new program -Quest is added to the platform) for asingle monthly price.

But you’ll also have access to the community of like-minded folks to connect with to whom you can relate.

Right now you cansubscribe at a special price, so if you were thinking about expanding your self-growth so you can reach your full potential, there’s no better time than now.

You can go from confused, overwhelmed, and without a clear vision for your life, to confident, grounded and focused, as well as determined about how you want your life to be, by focusing on personal growth andMindvalley will give you this chance.

Make this year the year you get to the next level.

If you want to dive deeper into what this platform has to offer to you, read my post that mentions more than 30 programs you can expect to find on the platform if you decide to get inside the membership:

• 30+ Transformational Online Personal Development Programs For Creating The Life You Desire.

Alternatively (it you decide you are not up for Dr. Shefali’s program on Mindvalley), see how you can work with meHERE.

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FINAL THOUGHTS ON REJECTING PARENTING

Those were the most important characteristics of rejecting parenting style and I hope you found it useful.

If you have more questions about it, drop them in the comment form!

Thanks for your attention and I’ll see you in my next post. Here is one:

• WHAT UNINVOLVED PARENTING REALLY IS AND WHO UNINVOLVED PARENTS ARE (NEGLECTING PARENTING)